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Condoleezza Rice for President
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© 1996 Thomas E. Smith
Page Last Revised: November 23, 2000
Setting the Scene: It's Thursday around lunch and there's a pretty good crowd in the barbershop - about six adults and two preschool youths. The topic of the moment once again is politics (and women).
Turk Willis: Leroy (his current customer), I was watching the state of the Black church on ahhhhhhh..
Leroy: On CSPAN?
Turk: Yeah right. Anyway Al Sharpton was on and said that he's running for president. That freaked me out man. Reverend Al for president? Man you know that ain't right. I mean he has the same stylist as James Brown. What's up with that?
Leroy: I think Reverend Al just wants to challenge the system. Know what I'm say'n? Plus one day he'll have a good story to tell his grandkids.
Turk: I got it. It's like they say, in America anyone can run for president.
Leroy: (Getting slightly excited with a raised voice) Check this out though Turk. If Sharpton manages to get some delegates then he will be able to impact the Democratic agenda. He could make them pay more attention to African Americans.
Turk: Is that right? He'll get some votes even with that hair?
Amahad Owens: You brothers talk'n about Al Sharpton's presidential run? I tell you what; he has somehow managed to put the kibosh on his drug-dealing escapade.
Turk: Uh? This is wild. First I learn that the man is runnin' for president then Amahad here talk'n bout drug dealing. You tripp'n man. You're using them drugs that you talk'n about.
Amahad: Straight up man. I saw it on HBO. Al Sharpton was hooking up Don King as his bank and a Colombian as his supplier. But Don wasn't hav'n it and the Colombian turned out to be "6-9". You know, undercover "5-0".
Turk: Amahad, you tripp'n bro. You know they put Negroes under the jail for that kind of stuff. Sharpton would be striking that jail house pose if what you say'n was true.
Clee: Amahad is right Turk. I saw the thing on HBO myself. The FBI made the video tape but won't own up to it. And I think Sharpton is suing. But you know, Black folks in general are coming up. Carol Mosely Braun is planning to run for president too. But my vote is with Condoleezza Rice in 2008. She's can deal with them folks.
Leroy: Oh yeah, Condoleggsa!
Clee: Ha Ha. What's that Leroy? Leggsa?
Leroy (speaking with passion): Clee, I'm tellin' you ole girl is foin. Those legs are somethin' else. And you know she's gots to have sista thighs.
Clee: I feel ya man. She was on "Meet the Press" this past Sunday with a flip hairstyle. I'm sitting there listenin' to her talk about Sadam. Then I noticed that every time she spoke and made a point, her flip would bounce. And then I start to thinking 'bout being close up and looking at that flip from behind and every time that I made a point. bang! that flip bounces. And then bang! Bang! Bang! And Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! I love intelligent sisters. Y'all don't hear me though.
Chuckles and Amens erupt throughout the shop. A couple of gentlemen shift in their seats.
Amahad Owens: A brother would have to sweat that flip right out of her hair. Straighten that thang out... have mercy!
Clee: Did y'all see how home girl handled Bush and those other fools about affirmative action. They tried to blame all those crazy narrow conservative statements from the Whitehouse on her. Now anybody with any sense would know that a sista from Birmingham, regardless of political ilk, wouldn't talk any smack like that. She stood up, looked them in the eye and said hell naw it wasn't me. She made me proud.
Leroy: You know what impressed me about that whole white house/civil rights crap is that Conde publicly diverged from the company line and kept her job. She's got my vote.
Amahad Owens: Well you know I think a great deal of her success in this matter was timing. Bush's boys F'ed up. They painted themselves into a corner in their typical over-the-top cowboy style and in the end needed someone with sense and a softer, less Rambo style to deliver the proper message.
Clee: Fellas life is all about timing. Bush and his crew, their time was 45 to 50 years ago. They just aren't in step with today. That's why we going to war and have a messed up economy. But all of this sets the stage Dr. Rice in 2008 because the republicans will be looking for someone with brains to counteract the intellectual deficit that we are now experiencing.
Turk: You dudes are just fantasizin'. It's
a good one but still just a fantasy. Being president of the United States
is all about making old rich white guys richer. As good as Conde Rice is,
she will not have the confidence of those old geezers. And those old geezers
will not allow her to win an election. Besides that, she ain't never run
for office before so she hasn't proven herself to be capable of endruing
the election campaign process. You gents aren't thinkin' clearly, at least
not wit' the right head.
Leroy: Turk, don't hate just because ole girl ain't a hood rat. The right spinmasters can fix all of that. Look at it like this, Eisenhower had no prior campaign experience and she has more prior knowledge of the White House than Bush and Clinton did. But what I really want to know Turk is when did you learn all of a sudden to start talking with sense?
Turk: Now, I'm standing here with a razor at your throat and you gonna dog my taste in women and my ability to think? I know enough about women to know that Dr. Rice gots some freak in her. That gal is spankable - homey. Give us five minutes alone and I'll have her shouting like an old Baptist church matron.
Leroy: Now you soundin' like the Turk old. Turk, I'm not dissin' hood rats. I got mad love for them. But Conde, she ain't no shouter, she's a moaner. She's straight up and intense. She's gonna hold those big beautiful lips next to your cheek and moan her passion directly into your ear.
Turk: Look bro, your are apparently enamoured - yes I said enamoured - with her image. Those same spinmasters that you were talkin' about are simply providin' you an uppity image of the lady. Check this out. See.
Clee (interrupts Turk): Fellas, fellas. Vic is coming. How about we let our home grown "international man of mystery" settle this dispute. Place your bets. We'll let Vic, the ultimate player player, determine if Conde is a hood rat or a gentile mistress. A freak or not a freak, inquiring minds want to know.
Amahad Owens: Man we ain't right. This woman is of presidential tender and all we can think about is if she's a freak?
The door chimes and Vic, looking dapper as usual, enters the barbershop.
Vic: Good afternoon gentlemen.
Clee: Good to see you Vic. Before you get too comfortable - what's the deal on Condoleezza Rice? Is.
Vic (interrupting and dead serious): Look, you brothers know that I don't kiss and tell.
Leroy (whispering): Turk is Vic saying that he and Conde have been together?
Turk: Quite Leroy, just watch.
Within seconds, Arnetta Purifoy, Vic's latest babe, enters the shop. Arnetta resembling a Vegas showgirl, is 6' 2", 150 pounds and wearing less clothing than Li'l Kim.
Arnetta: Here's your keys baby. I'm going next door.
As the men ogle Arnetta, there is dead silence in
the shop and all thoughts of Condoleezza Rice have been instantaneously
tabled for future consideration.